My husband (aka Twomimidad i.e. TMD) and me have made an arrangement that we both are allowed one week of “solo holidaying” when Mimi #1 was born. Actually, we already had this agreement before the Mimis, but, as with so many of our old habits, we had to re-evaluate that rule as well and came to the conclusion that we wanted to keep that custom.
In the pre-Mimi-era this usually meant that he went flying his models (no, he’s not throwing Heidi Klum off a cliff, I’m talking about radio controlled gliders (Segelflugzeuge to my German speaking friends)) somewhere in Europe for a week, usually combined with a competition, and I went to the mountains. I had been going to the mountains a lot when I still was at Uni, before I met my TMD, and I was resolved to keep that up since the mountains have always been my kind of sanctuary.
Pre-Mimi vs. Post-Mimi-Me
However, when the Mimis were here, it was a different story. I’m not going to give a speech on how much children change your life, let’s just say they do. And a lot of what formerly was a big part of your life will just take a backseat. You can probably have a say in the prioritising but a lot of your old habits just have to give. Full stop. Also, I’m not going to pretend that I was really fit before I got pregnant the first time but I was still fit enough to get prepared for the mountains in 2-3 months leading up to “my” week.
The four burners model
Now, at the moment, this is not the case. If you’re following me on Facebook you probably have read about the 4 burners theory, and how I was sharing that “health” (i.e. fitness) is currently the burner just barely burning at all. Which is partly due to the busy life and my own priorities where I usually chose to be with the kids or have lunch with my workmates above going for a run or a swim (i.e. I chose “friends” and “Family” above “health”). Now you could blame me for that, and believe me, sometimes I do myself, but in the end I decide to prioritise what makes me happiest. Though, probably, a bit more of the “health” bit wouldn’t hurt in all honesty. It partly is also due to the fact that I am a lazy person. Really lazy. I’m talking proper couch potatoe here. So I’m just going to say that my participation in the Gigathlon this year will be a bit of a stretch (just the Swimming!!!)
Spoilt for choice, really
So this year, for the first time in basically 4+ years when I’m not pregnant or have a small baby, I’m going to get have my “me-week” back. TMD already took his by going to the Lofotes (Norway) in June to -yes you guessed that right- do some flying with his friends. So in the months and weeks leading up to now I had thought that what I craved for would be a Yoga retreat somewhere at the beach in the mediterranean (I do Yoga once a week regularly, the only thing I’ve managed to keep up through everything and which has truly saved my sanity and my back with the lugging around of the children).
I always end up at the same place – so there’s probably a reason behind?
As you have probably gathered from my Instagram feed (that’s by the way the best way to keep up if your so inclined, since I blog very irregularly) we have been to the Engadin in June. And also I have been to Wengen (Berner Oberland) with work last week. And I suddenly realised that the mountains are calling me again. I hadn’t heard them for a while since I was probably so busy with the babies. Also, since I was probably giving myself so little space for “me” when I actually was there in the mountains. Because that’s just what happens when you have babies, your “me” suddenly shrinks into a very small space inside of you. Best you can do is to make sure to check on it from time to time so as to not let it die because, the older the children get, the more space you will get again for your “me”. Just in the way that I mostly can now take a shower when both Mimis are awake without having to hop out dripping with shampooed hair (though I did that just last Wednesday, so I’m not completely there yet!). Or in the way that, slowly, you feel less bad leaving your husband or your Mom alone with the kids for a longer period of time. Such is the blessing of the babies becoming children. Now, I know the Mimis will need me, a lot, for a very long time still. But the immediacy, the urgency with which you ALWAYS have to be right next to them slowly evolves into something a bit more relaxed. And thank God for that since I wouldn’t be able to keep up that level of service forever!!!
Beach vs. Mountains
So while researching on Yoga retreats at a beach, I realised that what has been always my personal kind of meditation are the mountains. The days of walking. The listening to the trickle of glaciers and how they grow quiet in the night when everything freezes again. Walking off when it’s still dark and seeing the sun come up on the mountain tops.
I’d like a five star Hotel up the mountain please. Oh, and I’d like to be the only guest too…
So there will be some mountains in my “me-week” this year. Though to what extent I am not entirely sure yet for various reasons. First, my un-fitness which will make more demanding routes unpleasurable. Second, my resolve to not stress myself out during that week. And with that the wish to get a nice, comfy bed without people snoring next to me such as is the case in mountain lodges (SAC Hütten). Third, my feeling that I just don’t want to talk to a lot of people during some days which sort of excludes going on a tour as I used to, with a bunch of strangers and a mountain guide. I have to talk so much EVERY day at the moment that not having to talk is what I’m aiming for.
Talking about being spoilt for choice
So we will see where this leads me to. I believe it will be a combination of long-ish hikes to a lodge followed by some nights in a nice Hotel with a good SPA, great views and a comfy room where I can read a book in peace or just stare out of the window. Or write a random blogpost about life (and not about kids). I have no idea how that turns out. I have no idea if I still have the ability to just be by myself for days on end (something which I used to love and celebrate). All I know is that I feel I’m on the way to rediscovering a piece of me which I thought I had lost, and that alone is worth taking that leap of faith. And I know I am so lucky to be able to have a whole week to myself to just do as I please. That’s, in itself, the biggest blessing of all.